


Everything is good (And nothing hurts)

by DalmaArlissthayr



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Eddie Diaz, Bisexual Evan "Buck" Buckley, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Christopher Diaz is a Sweetheart, Communication, Crying, Exhaustion, Feelings, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Healthy Relationships, Honesty, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Light Angst, Mentions of a Mental Breakdown, Minor Self-esteem Issues, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:34:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24195196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DalmaArlissthayr/pseuds/DalmaArlissthayr
Summary: Eddie and Buck and their efforts to make something good with the shitshow that their lives sometimes is, while falling deeply and – frankly pathetically – in love with each other.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 89





	1. I’ll drive you home (We’re worried about you)

**Author's Note:**

> I SUCK with summaries
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy my attempt of a multichapter fic that tries to adecualtely portrait self-steem issues, healty comunication, and two idiot men grossly in love with each other :)

When Maddie called saying she was in a bar with Buck and that she needed him to drive her brother home because he couldn’t help himself, Eddie half expected to find his friend plastered in a table, singing with the other patrons and laughing because ceiling was moving because, well, that was how Buck was usually like when he was drunk.

What he didn’t expect, was to find Buck curled in a sit with his face down, eyes red and his lips firmly pressed in a thin line. It was the quietest he had ever seen his friend, and he didn’t like it at all. Maddie was waiting for him a couple feet away, a worried look on her face.

“Hey,” she greeted him with a smile.

“Hi,” Eddie said, frowning with confusion “What’s up with him?”

“I just – I don’t really know. We were drinking and for a moment it seemed like we were having fun, but then he got all sad out of sudden. Eddie, he was crying, like, really crying, not that sappy tearing thing he does when he’s happy, and then he just – got quiet, and has been like that since then.”

Eddie sighed, closing his eyes with resignation, immediately feeling a pang of guilt running through his body when he noticed how it must’ve looked like for Maddie. He knew that something was… Off with his friend, it had been since the whole issue with Abby, with Red. The questions he asked when they were on the station, how he looked deadly sure that they were going to leave him behind. He had hopped their little talk would’ve helped his friend. Apparently, he was wrong.

“It’s – ok, you know what? I’m going to talk with him, see if I can make him say what’s going on through his head.”

“Please, do that,” she whispered “I’m going out to wait for Chimney. Call me if you need anything”.

“Don’t worry, go take some air”

Once he knew Maddie was far enough, Eddie put his hands on his pockets and walked towards the table, licking his lips when Buck didn’t seem to notice him.

“Hey, buddy,” he saluted him once he was close enough, and apparently that was enough to shake Buck out of his deep brooding. The blonde looked at him with surprise clear in his eyes, surprise that gave way to confusion, once Buck realized he wasn’t imagining things.

“Eddie, what are you doing here?” he asked, quietly.

“Well, Maddie called me saying she needed someone to give you a ride, so here I am,” Eddie said “I thought ‘why don’t make them this favor and take a beer in the meantime’. But then I got here, and saw you…” he doubted, making a vague gesture with his hand “I don’t really know how you are, Buck. What to tell me what happened?”

“Well,” Buck said, sobbing softly “I suppose that I really don’t have a choice, right?”

Eddie hummed in response, shrugging as a grimace made his way to his face “I don’t know, man. Any other day I would’ve let you go at your own pace, but you don’t usually do this kind of things. Maddie was dead worried about you.”

“I told her I’m fine.”

“Sure. Now, you want to try again and tell me what’s bothering you?”

Buck sighed, and for some reason that was the first time in the night that Eddie realized exactly how tired his friend looked. It wasn’t only the fact that his face was swollen or how red his eyes were. It was pure exhaustion, like ‘I haven’t sleep in days and I’m about to faint’ kind of exhaustion. It horrified him the notion that he hadn’t notice that something was off with his friend _for days,_ but he needed Buck to tell him what was happening, and for that, he had to feel safe, so Eddie refused to point anything, deciding instead to wait for his friend to open his mouth and see how far was he willing to go.

“I don’t know, Eddie. Is just – everything has been _so_ much lately, and I just want to have a rest, you know? I came with Maddie here as soon as I was free because I wanted to disconnect for a while, but she just kept talking about work and then everything was suddenly too loud and the beer tasted like piss in my mouth, and I couldn’t…” Buck made a pause, looking at Eddie right in the eyes “I couldn’t.”

Silence fell over them with overwhelming severity, and the two of them just remained there, staring at the other until Eddie broke and, with a gulp, lowered his eyes to the table.

“Yeah, I – I think I know what you’re talking about.”

“I should apologize with Maddie,” murmured Buck, after a while, playing with the moisture drops on the table “She didn’t know, she shouldn’t be blaming herself for my attitude.”

“You don’t know if she’s doing that.”

“Oh, believe me, she _is._ She’s a little too much like me with that kind of things.”

Ignoring the obvious implications in Buck’s statement, Eddie got up from his chair and went to stand at his friend side, offering him a hand.

“Then we should get going, c’mon. I’ll drive you home.”

Buck smiled at his words – a little, almost imperceptible smile, but a smile nonetheless – and took his hand. The two of them avoided as much interaction with the other patrons as possible, and for no one’s surprise, they found Maddie sitting outside the bar, phone in hand and a worried expression in her lovely face.

“Oh,” she gasped when she saw them “I didn’t – is everything alright? I didn’t thought you were going to get out that fast.”

“We are working on it,” Eddie answered, saving Buck of having to give his sister more explanations “Now, I’m going to take Mr. Dumbass home, give him a mug of hot chocolate, and put him to sleep like a good boy. Do you want us to give you a ride or are you okay waiting for Chim?”

Maddie smiled, ignoring his brother’s protests about how he wasn’t a kid, Eddie, you can’t talk to me like that “I think I’m going to be okay, you guys go and have some rest.”

“Will do” Eddie said, and then started walking towards his truck to give them a moment alone. He saw Maddie standing up, cupping his brother’s face with sweetness as he told her something that made her blink some tears away, before each one said their goodbyes and walked away.

When Buck got inside the truck, he looked like the was about to drop dead at any second, so Eddie decided to do the only thing he knew was going to help Buck in that exact moment and started the engine of his truck, ready to get away from there. If he decided to be bold and took his friend’s hand half way to his home, well, no one was there with them to call him out for it.


	2. We have your back (I’m not going to get tired of you)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I've not excuse for this, is so self-indulgent that it's actually pathetic. Please enjoy this mess.

When Buck first woke up he was feeling like shit: he was sweating like a pig, his eyes were sticky and he felt like something had died in his mouth. Rolling on his side, he fell asleep once again almost immediately, snoring softly against his pillow. The next time Buck woke up he was facing the door, and there was a glass filled with fresh water and a Tylenol on the nightstand beside him.

Confused, Buck barely blinked for a minute before sitting on the bed and deciding against questioning the offerings that were given to him. Once he was human enough to look around, he noticed that he was in Eddie’s room, which would’ve been way more alarming if he didn’t remember Eddie taking him out of the bar the night before. He must’ve fell asleep on their way home, because he knew that if he had been fully awake there was no way in hell he would’ve agree with taking his friend’s room.

Buck got up, taking a pause before going out of the room to stretch, groaning when something cracked somewhere around his backbone. He hadn’t drink that much, but he knew very well how hard could be for the body process the amount exhaustion produced for a twenty four hours shift and a mental breakdown mixed with alcohol. Actually, he expected to feel way worse. Eddie must’ve forced him to take something before going to bed, because that was the only possible explanation Buck could think off.

He walked towards the kitchen, closing his eyes when sweet smell reached his nose. He found Eddie taking something out of a box, two Styrofoam cups in the table filled with what he only could think was coffee. Buck stood there for a moment, playing with his fingers as he thought about what to say. Fortunately for him, the choice was taken away from his hands when Chris walked in the room and smiled like the sun once he noticed him.

“Buck!” the boy squeaked with delight, and Buck opened his arms to hug him.

“Hey! Good morning, Superman.” Buck said, leaving a kiss on the child’s head.

“Dad brought break- fast,” Chris said, snuggling closed to him. Buck didn’t his best to hold him right, even when he could feel his crutches stabbing his chest.

“That’s great, it’s my day off. I wouldn’t want to have to take anyone to the hospital.”

Eddie gave him a falsely wounded look as Chris laughed with delight. Holding a laugh of his own, Buck took Chris to the table just for the sake of do it and smiled at Eddie. They had a nice meal, and Buck was beyond grateful for not having to make breakfast – because God forbid that Eddie tried to cook for them, his last five attempts were disastrous – the donuts were warm and sweet and the coffee from the coffee shop down street was a true blessing. After they finished, Chris went to his room to play, and Eddie and Buck were left alone in the kitchen.

They collected the trash and discarded it, avoiding looking at each other until there was nothing more to do and the fact that Chris wasn’t coming back any time soon sank into their heads. Buck was two seconds about to run to the living room when Eddie took him by the arm and gestured to his chair, asking without words to sit.

“So, we are finally going to talk about what happened last night?”

“Dude I told you it was nothing, alright? I’m good now, I was just tired.”

“Buck you had a _breakdown_ in the middle of a bar and scared the shit out of Maddie. I know you’ve always been a sensible man, and that you don’t care about other people watching you cry, but this? This’s not you.”

Buck opened his mouth to reply, but he must’ve noticed that Eddie wasn’t joking, because he sank on his chair and sighed. “I know.”

“Good,” Eddie said, frowning when he noticed Buck wasn’t going to start talking right away “So…”

“Calm down, I don’t know where to start.”

“Shit must be serious if you’re giving it that much thought.”

Buck glared at him, clueing him to shut up, and Eddie smiled, sitting down in front of his friend to show him he was willing to listen. To make things worse, Eddie decided that it was perfectly normal to take Buck’s hand off the table and squeezed it. The effect was immediate: Buck felt the tension leaving his body at an alarming speed. It was… nice, even if it was confusing as hell because they definitely didn’t use do that kind of things, at least until the night before.

Confusing as hell, so Buck did what he did best: ignored the issue and focused on something else, like the actual question Eddie made two minutes ago.

“I haven’t felt… myself lately,” he started saying, and if Eddie got a question he surely could wait till he stopped talking because wanted to puke, and he definitely was going to do it if his friend decided to cut him out now that he was finally able to start “Don’t get me wrong, I know you guys care for me, but every day when I leave the station and go to my apartment, I’m alone. And okay, sometimes I come here and have a good time with you and Chris, but other than that? Nothing. Maddie is busy with Chim, or with her work, and there’s a limit in how often I can be at Bobbie’s or Hen’s house. My last dates have been shit, and the only friends I have outside the station are either too busy with their own lives to care about me or live at the other side of the States,”

“And so much shit has been happening lately, just the whole mess with Abby made me feel like I was about to snap, you know? I don’t even know how to feel about it. I thought I was happy for her, and – and I am, but it doesn’t make me feel better about the fact that _she leaved me_ and didn’t care enough about me to tell me she was going to do it, or at least properly apologize when she came back and saw me again,”

“I can’t – I can’t shake the feeling that I did something to mess things up between us, to push her away.”

“What” Eddie sputtered, confused “could you possibly have done to make her do that?”

“I don’t know, Eddie. Is not like I’ve the best record making people stay. I mean, look at Maddie; look at _Ali;_ look at the whole lawsuit mess.”

“We’re past the lawsuit.” Eddie snapped.

“We are, though?” Buck asked, frowning “We don’t talk about it, not now, not even after the whole street fighting thing, we just had a pathetic imitation of a five-minute talk and then I let you beat the shit out of me in a videogame. Are we _really_ past that?”

“Okay, first of all, _I beat_ the shit out of you in that game,” Eddie said, swallowing a laugh when Buck rolled his eyes, obviously done with him “And, Buck, you know that I’m useless with words. Your apology was enough, more than enough actually, and is not like you were the only one who did stupid shit. I should’ve managed things better, I should’ve said ‘fuck this all’ and go talk to you, lawsuit or not, and I definitely shouldn’t get involved in the street fighting mess in the first place. If you were able to forgive me, why are you being so hard with yourself?”

“I – I don’t know,” he muttered “I don’t know.”

Eddie squeezed his hand one more time, searching for his eyes when Buck tried to avoid his gaze.

“You know I wasn’t lying when I said that I’m not going to leave you behind, right?” he said, and when Buck didn’t reply, he continue talking “We have your back, man. I can’t talk for the other, but Chris and I? We’re going to stay right by your side, no matter what.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

“You sure you’re not going to get tired of me at one point? I know I can be exhausting.”

“I’m not going to get tired of you,” Eddie sighed, absolutely hating the fact that those words leaved his mouth in the first place “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get tired of you, I was just being an angry asshole with zero verbal filter.”

“Just your normal self, then,” Buck said, and Eddie opened his mouth like he was about to snap, but he must’ve noticed how he struggling to not laugh. Eddie didn’t seem to have the same problem, for he snorted inelegantly, softly kicking his shinbone.

“That’s so _rude,_ man. I’m trying to apologize here.”

“I know,” Buck said, and then had a minor freak out because it came out way more besotted than he was intending to. He coughed “But it’s not necessary, I know you’re sorry. It’s just – it might take me a time to really get over it.”

“Yeah, I know.”

They stayed silence for a while, and Buck tried to not squirm on his chair when Eddie kept stroking his hand.

“Could you” Eddie started to say, doubting for a second “Could you promise me that you’re going to try and talk to me before shit gets this bad? You don’t – just tell me if something’s wrong, okay? You don’t even have to explain what’s wrong, just try to not deal with this kind of things alone.”

“Well, I guess I’ll do it if you promise me to do the same.”

Eddie smiled “We’ve a deal, then.”

It… It did things for Buck, watch him smile that way. Things that probably shouldn’t be happening, as they just had a very good talk and adding more issues at the mix could break the harmony they’d just reached. Lucky for Buck, Chris decided that it was a good time to call for them, saying something about dinosaurs and cookies, and of course he had to go and look what his favorite Diaz was doing, right? It didn't had anything to do with the sudden urge to hug Eddie and never let him go that strike him out of sudden. He could hear his friend laughing at his antics from the kitchen, and couldn’t help but sigh in relief when he noticed Eddie wasn’t going to follow him.

Boy, he was such a _mess._

He stopped at Chris door for a moment, smiling when he saw him reading something on his tablet with a deep frown of concentration. Sometimes he was surprised about how much he loved that kid, how much he wanted to take care of him, and it was good to know that Eddie trusted him enough to indulge him with that.

“Hey, Superman,” he said, making his way to where Chris was “Why were you yelling?”

“I found a – a recipe, and I want you to give it a look,” Chris said, all business and deeply concentrate in the thing – the recipe – he was reading on his tablet. So Buck sat next to him and together they sorted the recipes, trying to decide which were worth it and which were not.

They spent some time at it, when Buck noticed Chris was watching him “What’s wrong, buddy?”

“Are you still feeling sick?”

Buck swallowed “Did your dad tell you I’m sick?”

“He brought you home last night and you were crying, when I asked him why he told me – he told me you weren’t feeling very good, that you needed to rest.”

“I – I guess and did, buddy. I wasn’t feeling very good last night.”

“But you’re good now?”

“Yeah,” Buck said, leaving a kiss on Chris’ hair “I’m fine now, your dad took care of me.”

“He does that a lot.”

“That, he does.”

“Cause you need s-supervision.” Chris laughed, and Buck gasped, feigning outrage.

“Why, Mr. Smartass. It’s good to know that you’ve such a high opinion of me.”

“Don’t worry,” Chris said, actually managing to sound condescended even when he was still laughing “He really likes to do it.”

Buck snorted, putting his hand on Chris face to show his discontent, ignoring how it just made him laugh harder. Owned by a child at the age of 29, who would’ve thought?

He was so focused on Chris that he didn’t notice Eddie at the door frame, watching them with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you'd like to read in the next chapter, I like to know what you think :)
> 
> If you liked this please leave a comment and a kudos, it's free, and they're good for the soul.
> 
> Come yell at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/DalmaWriter)


	3. We’re lucky to have you (You’re my best friend)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to this long ass chapter! Did I really spend two weeks writing a 5k+ chapter? Of course I did. I hope you like it, please read the tags and the warnings at the end, I don’t think that there’s something too bad here, but you can never be too cautious.

Talking with Buck had been… surprisingly good? His friend seemed to be doing better after that, he was less tense and his eyes had a soft glint all over him that Eddie didn’t notice was lost until then. It was nice to know that Buck was feeling better, and if he was being honest, he was not the only one. The Talk – as they now called it – helped Eddie feel better about a lot of things. They were good, they were going to figure the bad things out, and the best of all? They’ll have each other’s back.

Think about the weekend they spent together still made Eddie feel weird in the stomach, which normally would be something he would refuse to deal with. However, The Talk also helped him realize how much they needed to stop ignoring their feelings. So Eddie decided to embrace the butterflies in his stomach and enjoy the memory of his son throwing popcorns at Buck, as they watched TV on his living room like there was nothing better to do in the whole world.

Some of that weird ass euphoria must’ve lingered in his face on his way to the station, because as soon as they saw him Chim and Hen started to whistle.

“Look at you! Someone had a good day off.”

“You could say that.” Eddie admitted, laughing when his friends’ eyes opened in surprise.

“Alright,” she said, stretching the word “Want to tell us what happened?”

“Well, nothing out of the ordinary. We watched some movies, we had dinner with Abuela, and Buck made a cake with Christopher on Saturday, before we went out to the park.”

“That’s,” Hen started, with a fond gaze in her face “That sounds pretty good, actually.”

Good was a euphemism, Eddie didn’t even have the words to describe how happy the idea of them spending time with Chris and Buck, together as a family, made him. Knowing that he had someone so dedicate to his son was one of the best feelings in the words, but he wasn’t about to unpack all that to Hen.

“I know.”

They talked for a while, and then Eddie remembered he was supposed to get ready for his shift and hurried to his locker to change his clothes. The shift was slow, until they were four hours deep into it, when a massive car crash hit them without mercy. There were at least fifty people injured, seven more were dead before they were able to reach the crash site. By the time they finished Eddie was sweaty and covered in blood, dirty, and God know what the hell more. To made things worse, it was only the first out of nine calls they had during that shift, alternating minor and major emergencies. He heard Chimney murmuring something about needing a shower as soon as they got off the truck, but he was too tired to make the snarky remark that passed through his mind.

The next thing he knew was that he was lying face planted in his bunk, so exhausted he couldn’t really go and do shit unless the alarm told him to, and at the same time too wired to really rest. Hen just sitting on her bed when his phone chirmed, the usually quiet and soft jiggle sounding unbelievable loud in the silence of the station. It was two in the morning and if the look Chimney gave him from across the room said something Eddie should better hurry up and put the thing on silence.

He was about to just turn the thing off when he noticed he just received a message from Buck.

_So, I know is fuck-o’clock but if the 12’s news were right ‘bout something then you just had a shit of a day so here’s a pic of Chris and me getting ice creams today._

Living up to his words, there was a picture of them under the message, they were sitting on that park bench that Chris liked so much because it was near to the playground, his son’s face full of ice cream, and he was hugging his best friend. The two of them were laughing like they were having the time of their lives, and alone was enough to make Eddie feel all soft and mushy inside. Buck had text him early that day asking if he could take Chis to the park after school, and Eddie was more than happy to say yes. Something must’ve showed on his face, because Hen let out a soft chuckled from the bunk.

“Good news?”

“They had ice cream early, Buck just wanted to let me know.” Eddie said, managing to pronounce every word right even when his tongue felt like it was wrapped in cotton. He proceed to show his coworkers the picture, smiling when their eyes softened at the image.

"That’s cute man, how do you cope with that?” Chim asked him, and the three of them ignored Marcus’ annoyed hiss from two bunks at their left.

“I don’t, they’re gonna kill me one day. That’s how I’m gonna die,” He said, and then frowned, after having thinking a moment “Is that weird that I say that in a good way?”

“Nah,” Hen said with a shrug after consider it for a few seconds, cuddling closer to her pillow “I feel the same with Denny and Karen.”

“It could be worse, sometimes when I’m with Maddie I get so happy I want to break things.”

“That’s because you’re a weird fucker.”

“That is true.”

Eddie snorted, deciding that his friends were right, even when he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something off with what they were saying. Not bad, just wrong placed. But at that point Eddie was more asleep than awake at that point, so he didn’t have time to duel on it, and he doubted he would remember enough of that conversation in the morning to even think about it. He fell asleep thinking about Buck and Chris having ice cream, talking and laughing in their own world, and wished he could’ been there with them.

Ω

It took a good two weeks for their shift to synchronize again, much to the crew dismay. Eddie had been grumpy and uneasy the entire time, not because he didn’t trusted his coworkers but because he didn’t trust Buck’s luck when he was alone. He had thought that he had it under control, but apparently he was wrong, as they so kindly let him know when they got to the station on Tuesday’s morning. He had to roll his eyes when Buck got off his truck and the few people around them started clapping and cheering, as if he was the absolute best thing in the whole wide world.

“Hi? What’s going on here?”

“Nothing, Buckaroo. We’re just happy we don’t have to deal with Mr. Sunshine here without your help,” Chim said, patting Buck’s back as he passed next to them, laughing when he managed evade Eddie’s punch just barely.

“Okay,” Buck muttered, lengthening the word with his voice full of confusion “You guys are weird.”

“A nuisance is what they are,” Eddie said.

As it turns out, the only moment of peace they were going to have that day was when they went to their lockers to change their clothes. They were barely finishing when the alarm went off and they had to run to the truck. Two stabbed folks, a playground fire that no one knew how the hell started and a woman calling in panic because her girlfriend got stuck in their St. Andrews cross – how the that happened in the first place, Eddie, still hadn’t figured out – they were making their way to the station, when a dispatcher called them because they were the nearest to a fire that started in the chemistry lab of a school.

The thing was, it was Chris’ school.

Eddie gulped, already dreading what they could find once the truck reached the school. He heard Buck’s breathy gasp next to him, and he noticed that his friend was thinking the same thing. Without thinking, he took Buck’s hand and squeezed, seeking comfort while doing his best to calm his friend without making a scene. Judging by the looks Hen and Chim were giving them, Eddie failed spectacularly.

It took them all their willpower not to run to find Chris and actually do what they were called for. The fire itself had been a thing of nothing, but protocol demanded an evacuation until the area was declared safe. One hour and a few cases of smoke inhalation later, Eddie and Buck were coming out of the building, a lot calmer but still nervous. When a member of the security staff called Buck to run a quick check on some the emergency measurements, he felt like somebody stole his air.

For a second, Eddie weighed the possibility of asking Bobby to let him go early, so he could come back and take his son. But then he saw the mess of people trying to talk with his boss, teachers panicking, parents that were called beforehand and now were interfering with the job of his teammates, and could feel the anxiety crawling his way up over him.

“Hey,” Buck said later, once he was back. He put his hand on his shoulder and pressed his fingers enough to make it hurt, knowing very well that it was the only way to drag him out of his mind “I know you’re worried, I am, too, but Chris has to be okay. He wasn’t even in the same building.”

“I – I know,” Eddie said, sighing “I’m being unreasonable, am I?”

“A little bit,” Buck admitted, full of sass “But to be fair, I asked for Christopher to at least ten teachers on my way here, so I can’t really call you anything.”

Just like that, a great part of the weight on Eddie’s shoulders vanished. Of course Buck had already cleared Chris’ situation, the dork was physically unable to not worry about his kid, the fact that he wasn’t freaking out should’ve told Eddie something. _God, we’re so lucky to have you,_ he thought, not for the first time, and when the words got stuck on his throat he just gave his friend the best smile he was able to produce, lamenting the fact that they were in work and those, weren’t supposed to hug.

Fortunately for him, his son could do whatever the fuck he wanted to.

“Buck! Daddy!”

Both of them jumped in surprise when Chris’ voice seemed to appear out of nowhere, and Buck barely had time to look around before he was being tackled by a bundle of blonde curls and sunshine. Christopher dropped his crutches to hug Buck, apparently not noticing his father standing a few feet away. Buck’s reaction was immediate: he turned around and wrapped his arms around the boy to pick him up, holding him like he was the most precious thing in the world.

“Hey superman! We were just talking about you, we were so, so worried.” At that point, Buck was babbling in his son hair, being so visibly relieved that it was almost funny. Almost.

His words served to remind the boy that he, in fact, had a father, and that he was actually looking for him when he approached the fire truck.

“Hi daddy,” Chris said to him, stretching and arm in his direction, full of joy, once he found exactly where he was. And fuck it, Eddie wasn’t about to let that go, no matter that he was surely going to be reprimanded for inappropriate behavior in calls, he opened his arms and held both his son and Buck against his chest as firmly as he could, feeling silly for being so worried for such a lame thing, but at the same time starving for reaffirm that Christopher was fine.

“Hey, mijo,” Eddie said, and his voice broke a little, much to his dismay “Are you okay? What are you doing here, aren’t you supposed to be with your teacher?”

“I asked to come here. I wanted- wanted to see if you were here,” Chris said against his shoulder. Eddie’s neck was starting to ache for being stretched and twisted for so long, and his son’s glassed were making holes on his skin, but he wasn’t going to say anything, because Chris was good and apparently he was also very excited to see them.

Now that he knew that, Eddie was able to pay attention to his surroundings again, which lead him to notice Chris’ history teacher waiting for him. The man had a soft smile in his face, and Eddie decided that it was for his best interest to not wonder what could he possibly be thinking.

Buck looked in the fire truck’s direction, vaguely gesturing for Eddie to do the same, and they saw Bobby and the other’s waiting for them. Eddie snorted when he noticed Hen and Chimney’s amused looks, opting for ignore them. He was about to ask Buck what he thought about it, when he saw the mischief bright in his friends eyes, who gave him a look, and then looked at his son.

Chris, who was squished between them, looking as adorable as always. It was like a light bulb went on in his head, and after consider it for a second Eddie decided that he wasn’t against using kid as a scapegoat.

“Hey buddy, why don’t you go say hello to the others?”

Chris nodded, proceeding to let go of them and ran towards their teammates as fast as he could.

“We better go with him and make sure they don’t try to snitch him from the school.”

“Oh, I’m sure the Fire Chief is going to love hearing about how five of the department’s top firefighters used a truck financed by the city to kidnap a child in the middle of a call.”

Buck giggle – like, honest to God giggle – and started walking towards his friends, his eyes never leaving Chris for a second, a soft, fond glint persistent in them. It made Eddie’s heart hurt.

Yep, he was damn lucky to have him.

Ω

They weren’t the type to go to bars that often, mainly because most of them had families and partners and other obligations waiting for them in home, but it didn’t mean they didn’t go out and of course it didn’t mean they didn’t have fun outside from time to time. In fact, Eddie was pretty sure that he hadn’t be with a group of people as messy as his teammates in, well, ever.

There was a time Hen and Chim mixed seven different types of alcohol with grape fruit which ended with Maddie throwing up through Bobby’s car window while the man drove her home. While Athena rarely drank more than a few beers or a glass of wine, she had quite a reputation with shots and managed to become a living example of how alcohol could make you share things you – and your husband – definitely don’t want others to know. Eddie wasn’t able to look at Bobby without blushing for three weeks, utterly mortified, and not even the man threating to hit him on the head with one of the industrial pans of the station helped him calm to down.

Karen had knocked out cold a douchebag that tried to talk shit about her wife and then proceed to kept talking with Buck, who looked at her like she was some kind of superhero. And of course, there was that time with Chimney and the blowtorch that everyone agreed not to talk about.

So they sometimes went out, and they sometimes were a fucking mess, because why not?

Surprisingly, the only one that hadn’t got drunk – besides Bobby, of course – during those rare times was Eddie as he always tried to stay sober in case Chris needed him to go home early. As for Buck, he really didn’t like to lose himself like that. He told Eddie one time that he hated being drunk in public, because it remind him too much of his Buck 1.0 years.

It was worse after a bad shift, because while everyone was having fun trying to forget the shit that their works sometimes threw over them, Buck was quite, usually holding tightly on a water bottle so no one would try to convince him to drink. As things were usually like that, you could understand why everyone was so surprised when, on their first outing in what seemed ages, Buck ended being a giggling bundle incrusted on Eddie’s side.

No long after they arrived to the bar Buck had started empting bottle after bottle of beer, then took a triple round of shots with Hen and gave a try to the weird ass mix Chim was passing around the table. Bobby had gave him a worried look from the other side of the table, but Eddie was relieved, after all, they had almost lost a boy that day, he didn’t want to think about how things would’ve been if Buck had decided to swallow everything and ignore the issue.

They were called for a domestic disturbance that went wrong. Apparently, a boy had tried to come out to his father and the man went nuts. He locked his son in their basement and then tried to tell everyone he ran away, and when the kid had managed to escape, he shot him, causing a horrible damage on his leg. But the kid was a warrior and gave him a hell of a battle when he tried to drag him back to the house; he fought, he screamed, and ultimately ended shooting his father when the man neglected his gun in the middle of the struggle.

They found the kid – Joshua – hiding in a corner with a frenzied gaze in his eyes, and his father’s gun firmly grabbed on his hands. Bobby tried to take a step forward, but Buck went ahead of him. Ignoring the calls of his teammates, Buck walked towards the boy, hands up and whispering soft things for him once he was close enough. None of them knew exactly what was he saying, but it had to be the right thing, because the next thing they knew was that Joshua was breaking down, dropping the gun aside and letting Buck work on him.

The next few hours were… strained. They were tired, they were hungry, and the emotional hangover was starting to hit with all its force. The trip to the station had been filled with silence, a silence that nobody seemed to be able to break. Hen’s face was a carefully constructed mask of professionalism, for she surely didn’t want any of them to see how much that call had affected her. It was obvious that Cap and Chimney were having a hard time, too. Case like this were never easy for Bobby, who didn’t understood how people could do such a thing to their kids. Eddie thought that Chim was starting to have a grasp of that, now that Maddie was expecting.

Eddie didn’t even knew how to feel. He was angry, which wasn’t weird, considering that anger was the first emotion he used to feel when he found himself under deep stress. He was confused, too, for the same reasons as Bobby and Chim. But the worst thing was that he mostly felt sad.

Sad, because that boy had trusted an adult on his life and it had went terribly wrong.

Sad because he would probably end in the system, since the police couldn’t get a hold of nobody who could take care of him.

Sad ~~because he understood the fear~~ he couldn’t imagine what it was like ~~to lose your faith in your parents like that~~ to be in such a dangerous situation.

Buck hadn’t say a thing about the incident. If fact, he barely said a thing for the rest of their shift, until Hen called them all and announced she and Karen were inviting them to have a few drinks on a new bar down street. Then they arrived to the bar, and he started drinking like a wretch.

Eddie let him be, already assuming he was going to be the one who took him home. He let him drink, he let him giggle and make silly puns and scream at the few idiots who tried to give them shit, and glared at Bobby when the man tried to say something about his attitude. He let him, just like he let him get up when the play pretending became too much and he had to walk away from them.

Eddie gave him ten minutes, five more that he would’ve any other day, and then went to look for him, his lukewarm beer abandoned on their table. Buck was sitting on the parking lot, next to his truck with his face hided on his hands, looking like he was seconds about to break down.

“Hey, you.”

“Hey,” Buck babbled under his breath and, yep, he was already crying.

Eddie sighed “C’mere, dumbass, let me give you a hug.”

He didn’t need to fight too much for it, Buck jumped to his arms without any further comment, letting Eddie pet his hair just like he knew Buck like it, but was too shy to ever ask. They stayed like that for a while, until Eddie’s back started to hurt and they passersby stopped paying attention to them. Eventually, Buck pushed softly against his chest and Eddie let him go, watching how his friend cleaned his face and tried to breathe normally.

“You okay?” Eddie asked, immediately feeling like an idiot. _Of course he’s not okay you fucking moron!_

Fortunately for him, Buck didn’t seem to think the same. The blonde smiled, albeit a bit wobbly, and shrugged. “You know, as much as I can, I guess.”

Eddie laughed, softly “Yeah, that seems right,” he said “What to talk about it?” Eddie asked, after a moment. He heard Buck sigh, but decided against saying nothing, knowing he had to let his friend go at his own pace.

“It’s just – The last call was… triggering? I mean, I – I just can’t understand people like that. He hurt him, he treated him like shit, and then forced him to fight for his life, and for what? To make him ‘normal’? To ‘save him’? Joshua had to kill him, and now he’s going to have to deal with that for the rest of his life.”

“Some people are just fucked up, Buck. As bad as it sounds, we can’t spent all hour time asking ourselves why people do what they do. It’s going to drive you crazy.”

“No, that’s not…” Buck cut himself, pinching his nose “It’s not just that.”

“Enlighten me, then.”

Buck sighed, and when he finally started talking, his voice was barely higher than a whisper “I was there, talking to that kid, and the only thing I could think about was Chris and how he has so much to discover about himself, how he’s going to have all this amazing and terrifying experiences that will help him find out who he really is. And it was beautiful. If I think like that about a kid that’s not rightfully mine, _how can anyone do that shit to their own kid?_ ”

Eddie gulped. How? Indeed. How can anyone could think it’s a good idea to dismiss a child like that, to try to control them at such extent? While he thought that, Buck continued talking.

“Back when I was still with my parents, things were strained. They didn’t even wanted me in the first place, but they never actually acted on it, just left me aside to do my things. As long as I didn’t bother them they would give me things and let me do my things. But then someone told my dad that they saw me kissing Jamie Schmitt outside the school’s gym and they went nuts. My mother was crying, telling me that she couldn’t believe I was capable of doing such a thing to them, that I had no shame, she asked me if I didn’t think about the consequence my… indulgences were going to bring them. I was fucking angry, it pissed me off that they wouldn’t even try to see things my way, and the worse part? My dad didn’t say a thing, he just kept staring at me like I was a stranger, someone he never had seen before. The next day he asked me to leave and I did it, I let everything behind, and tried to not think about it again,”

“I thought I knew what it was like to have shitty parents. Walking away from Hershey was like a slap on the face. There’s a lot of shit out there, Eddie. But me? I had it relatively easy at the end. And I feel horrible because there’s so many people out there who are being beaten up and forced to do horrible things or trapped in fucking hell, and here I am, crying because my parents kicked me out and I had to take care of myself.”

“I need you to stop right there,” Eddie said through his teeth “You _cannot_ ignore your trauma. Yes, what happened to Joshua was horrible, but that doesn’t mean that you should dismiss your issues. They left you, and it’s still bad, it still hurt, and I’ll not allow you to put yourself down like that.”

“I should be able to box this things, I’m supposed to be professional.”

“Let me ask you a thing,” Eddie hurried to say, irritate “If I told you this affected me too, that all the crap I told you about my parents just came over my head and that I couldn’t stop thinking about my father telling me to put my shit together and be a man when I told him I like men, I couldn’t stop thinking about hearing my auntie yelling at my mom because she heard her saying that ‘all that fagot nonsense’ would disappear once I found a good woman to fix me up, and I couldn’t stop thinking about Shannon being unable to fully trust me because she thought that I was going to cheat on her with one of my teammates. I’m a bad person for remember this things, for being hurt by them even when I know have had it worse?”

“What? No!”

“I’m a bad person for being upset, for let this get me?”

“Of course not, why would you…?” Buck’s words got stuck on his throat once he noticed the smug expression on Eddie’s face “Oh, fuck you.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault, you walked right into that one.”

Buck’s only response was to shove Eddie aside, hard. He laughed – maybe his first real laugh in all night – and the next they knew was that they were catching their breath with their backs against the car. Buck sighed, resting his head on Eddie’s shoulder and closing his eyes.

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.” Eddie replied, and maybe he was finally going crazy, because he couldn’t help but leave a soft kiss on his friend’s head.

“Damn right.” Buck sighed, melting against him. A part of Eddie was feeling guilty for enjoying that too much, but he refused to delve into it.

Their words gave way to another moment of silence, and Eddie was starting to think that they could finally go back with the others, when Buck gasped, holding tightly on his chest.

“Did we just…” Buck murmured, licking his lips. He looked startled “Did we just came out to each other in the middle of a parking lot at three in the morning?”

Eddie blinked, mentally backing up the conversation until he realized that Buck was indeed right “I think we did.”

“God, we’re such a mess.” Buck said, but he was laughing again, which resulted in _Eddie_ laughing, too, and part of the tension vanished from their voices.

“Look at the bright side, if I’ve to come out to someone, at least it was to you.”

“Same,” Buck said, softly letting him go. Eddie tried to not feel to disappointed “Hen can’t know anything about this, though. Never.”

“Oh, Lord, _no_.”

“She’s never gonna lets us live it down.”

“Then we better don’t tell her,” Eddie said “Hey…”

“What?”

“You know you’re my best friend, right? Even if I wasn’t bi, I still wouldn’t mind if you also like men.”

“And non-binary people.”

“And non-binary people.” Eddie agreed as he got up, offering his hand to Buck.

The blonde took it with a smile, making a wince when the blood started flowing back through his legs.

“Fuck, I’m gonna regret this tomorrow.”

“You’re going to regret this in a couple of hours when you wake up thirsty and hungry with a bitch of a hangover and the worst case of numb legs of the entire planet.”

“And you’ll don’t?”

“I didn’t drink half as much as you, buddy.”

“Touché.”

Maybe all that communication crap was good for something, but of course, Eddie already knew that, so it didn’t came as a surprise. Humming, he bumped his hand against Buck’s, smiling when he tug him closer and put his arm around his shoulder, hugging him.

At the end, it was a good thing that they had took that break, because the others were absolutely _shitfaced_ when they went back to their table. Having been notified of Bobby’s departure, the two of them looked for a nice corner and spent the rest of their time in the bar talking to each other, ignoring Chimney’s giggles and Karen’s knowing glances.

They decided to go back home an hour later, too exhausted for more social interaction. Having noticed how fast Buck fell asleep once he got himself comfortable in the truck, Eddie huffed, deciding that there was no way that Buck was going to spend the rest of his night alone. He was going to take him home, and once they were human enough again, they were going to pick up Christopher from Abuela’s house together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Non-graphic description of assault and dead of a background character, and a discussion about parental ineptitude, homophobia, and biphobia, although nothing of this is too explicit and discussion in question.
> 
> I you like this, please leave a kudos or a comment  
> Come yell at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/DalmaWriter)

**Author's Note:**

> I you like this, please leave a kudos or a comment
> 
> come yell at me at [twitter](https://twitter.com/DalmaWriter)


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